SteveAndersen.com

There are a few tools that you will need when you go out on “Decorating Night.” There will be a number of tools that you will need in the construction and engineering phase of the process as well. There is an almost infinite number of tools you might need, and I will not even attempt to list them all… after all, I have no idea what you are doing, so I can’t possibly tell you what tools you will need, but there are some biggies - and some obvious things that you will need. Those, I will tell you about.

Wire cutter: You will be using bailing wire to hold almost everything on the statue (yes you will) and so - having a handy pair or two of wire cutters is essential. The ones that are in the jaw of your needle nosed pliers will work, a pare of dikes, particularly made for the purpose work much better… especially with cold hands, 20 feet up on a ladder. Whatever you choose to use they should fit easily and comfortably in your back pocket. That is where you keep them, unless you are using them. It might be romantic to stick them between your teeth - James Bond / bomb squad style - as you climb the ladder, but it is really uncomfortable, they don’t taste very good, and they will prevent you from saying things like “Hey… stop shaking the ladder you nit wit!” or “Dr. Luther I presume?” You will not only need to clip off pieces of wire when you are on the ground to take up with you, but you will need to clip those pieces to length once you get up on the statue… your accomplice will also need a pair of clippers… at least it is easier if your accomplice has a pair as well.

Pliers: Pliers come in handy for twisting the bailing wire taught once everything is in place and you have it as tight as you can get it by hand, the pliers can snug things up just right and I am convinced that this final snugging up makes the difference between a pair of ears that stay on Marty’s head, and a pair that fly off in the wind. Your pliers should go in your other back pocket.

Flash light: For the most part, you will not need this… but it is a good item to have - and essential when you need it. Frequently a Martin Luther statue will be illuminated at night. Anyone with good instincts will tell you, that, considering the fact that what you are doing is TECHNICALLY illegal, and at the very least you do not want to get caught at it, it would be best to do the bulk of your decorating on the back side of the statue - the side that is not illuminated. Unfortunately, for the most part, this is not feasible, for a variety of reasons. On the plus side, it means that you do not need a flashlight… most of the time. There will be times however where you will need to move the ladder to the back side to do… something, or you will loose a part in the grass or you will need to look up Marty’s skirt (yes you will) for all of these things, a flashlight becomes instantly essential. Cary one with you. Generally if you have a bigger one, your accomplice on the ground can hold it - but if you have a smaller one, you can prevent blindness by holding it yourself while you work… of course then you have something in your hands while you are trying to work, perched precariously on a ladder 20 feet in the air… but that is all part of the fun.

Ladder: A ladder is essential for any sort of decorating of Marty. In fact a BIG TALL ladder is essential. Chances are that if you think the big tall ladder you use around your house will do the job - you are mistaken. What you need is a 20 foot extension ladder. Most people who are in a position to decorate a Martin Luther statue do not own a ladder like that. However, most institutions that own Martin Luther statues DO own ladders like that. The beautiful thing is that institutions who own such statues, and such ladders, generally employ students to work for exceptionally low wages, and are foolish enough to give them keys to where the ladders are locked up. So if you don’t own a ladder like this yourself, or if you just don’t want to lug it around, find someone who has keys to the institutions shop, and use the institutions ladder. It is somehow poetic that the institution should have it’s own tools used against it. Just don’t get caught, and if you do get caught - remember - you are responsible for your own actions. Remember to put the ladder back when you are done - to do otherwise is VERY uncouth, to say nothing of impolite and just plain stupid.

If you use the extension ladder you will need to lean the ladder up against Marty. It is always my fear that I am going to get up to the top of the ladder and my weight pushing on him will cause him to topple over. I always put the ladder too close to the statue to minimize this possibility. The reality however is that he has stood there for a long time, and in strong wind, and with other people climbing up and down him just as you will be doing… and because he is anchored deep into the ground - he is not going anywhere. He might sway just a little bit - and that always creeps me out - but he is not going anywhere… Of course if you DO manage to topple him over… YOU are ultimately responsible, not me. So climb at your own risk. He is sturdy, but he is also hollow, while I have seen an accomplice stand on Marty’s bible… don’t push your luck too far.

Torch: You will need this for soldering together your copper tubing. You should never use it for attaching anything to Marty. A tank of gas and a torch are available inexpensively at Menards or any other hardware store. I recommend getting one with an automatic lighter - but a match works fine as well. You pick. Just make sure you read and FOLLOW all the manufacturers instructions and safety warnings. As usual, if you blow yourself, or others up, you, not I, will be responsible. BE SAFE.

You will want a pipe cutter for cutting your copper tubing…. doing it with a saw will only cause pain and anguish.

A tape gun comes in handy for reinforcing things like plastic bags and cardboard. Actually it is the packing tape does most of the work, the tape gun just helps with dispensing the tape. Of course if you live near a Martin Luther statue, chances are you move a lot, and probably already own a tape gun.