SteveAndersen.com

After spending 4 years at an institution that has a Martin Luther statue, I have learned that people want a lot less theoretical information, and a lot more “practical” information. That is fine. Here is a recommended process for getting this Martin Luther decorating job done.

This process will assume that you are going to be the leader of the decorating hyjinks. If you do not want to be the ring leader, you will need to defer to the decisions made by the leader, once you have found one. It shouldn’t be all that hard, you ARE being trained to be a leader are you not?

OK… without further ado:

The first thing you are going to want to do is announce your intentions - very quietly - amongst your colleagues. Say something like “Thanksgiving is coming up… I think Marty would look good as a pilgrim…” See who bites. Some one else will laugh and make a suggestion. Some one else will add to it. The key is to keep your plotting secret - or at least semi-secret. Under no circumstances should faculty or administration members have any idea that something is afoot. Nor should students who are not seniors, decorating a Martin Luther statue is a right, duty, and privilege of the senior class. Do this over a period of a few days, and in a few different classes, so that you get a good mix of ideas and a good mix of people involved. More people involved, means more ideas - and statistically speaking, more ideas means more good ideas. Further, the more people you have helping, the lower the work-load on each individual person. Finally - people who come up with ideas, are usually more willing to make those ideas come to life than are people who did not come up with the idea but are being asked to make some one else’s idea come to life.

Once you have solicited design ideas, and once you have brainstormed ideas for 3 days or more, you will need to start making some design decisions. Some times the decisions are obvious, and easy - sometimes they are hard. For instance, suppose you said “Pilgrim” and some one else said “Turkey” and some one else said “Rainbow.” It is obvious that the Rainbow will not work - that idea is rejected without much consideration. But the question about Pilgrim v. Turkey… that is tougher - especially if good ideas for making each work have been brought up. Suppose someone says “I can make a hat” and someone else adds “I can make a coat…” and some one else says “I can make a big dangly turkey thing” and another adds “I have a big fan I could turn into a set of tail feathers…” What do you decide? Personally I would go with the Turkey in that situation because I think that Luther would look hilarious as a turkey - but that is me - you might be different; you might find the father of the reformation and champion of Christian liberty dressed up as a puritan much more subtle, ironic, intelligent and overall, wholly more satirical. And you would be right, but a man (any man) dressed up as poultry is going to get more laughs, even at “high brow” snooty, private, graduate school; it is somewhat sad, but that is just how it is. Deal with it.

Whatever happens, as the ring-leader, (and that is what the administration will call you if you get caught, do damage, or any one gets hurt in the enterprise - so you might as well throw your weight around if you are going to be the one translating) you need to make a decision, one way or the other, good or bad. A turkey with a hat and a coat won’t work… a mish-mash of ideas won’t look as good as a solid cogent singular theme. Some one has to decide, and that person is, as the leader, you. Whatever it is, you have to make the decision. Your decision might be swayed by the difficulty or cost of completing certain parts of a outfit… it might also be swayed by how confident you feel about various individuals actually completing an assigned project… Can you depend on Mr. Tail-feathers? How about Mrs. Coat? In any case, do not allow too many chefs in the kitchen - steal all their recipes, then YOU decide. But DECIDE. Don’t believe all the crap your head is being filled with about “consensus building” be a leader, LEAD.

So step one is to solicit ideas, and then to decide which ones to use.

Step two is to delegate. Suppose that you have decided that you are going to go with the turkey idea. Break the outfit down into its component parts. Suppose you have decided that the turkey needs to have a dangly waddle thing, a set of tail-feathers, and some bright yellow feet. Talk first to the people who made the suggestions - the guy who suggested the tail feathers said he had a fan that he could make work - he seemed willing - make that work for you. If he can’t do it, see if he will donate the fan if you can find someone else to do the actual construction. Talk to the person who suggested the waddlie thing… see if you can get the person who talked about the coat to make the yellow feet if the person who suggested the feet can’t / won’t do it. Involving people who’s ideas you didn’t select can help lessen the blow. However you end up delegating the outfit parts - make sure that the people involved know what is expected of them - talk about the design with them - make sure that what they turn out will be the right size, the right type of materials, and have a workable means of attaching their part of the outfit to the statue. Refer to the construction methods page for help with that.

There are various reasons for delegating the construction of the various parts of the outfit. First, it keeps cost down, in my opinion, no class member should ever be asked to pay more than $20.00 towards any Martin Luther outfit. We are all poor, and this should be fun, not another burden. The second reason to delegate is that it is finally a fellowship activity - everyone pitching in builds relationships and memories, as well as ownership of the activity… You want people to look fondly at the decorated statue and think - I helped with that and it was fun - not: John Smith is such a dork… Finally - you want to delegate, because if you were to do all of the construction yourself, it would again be a burden… a LOT of work for just one person. And that is just no fun.

While you want to delegate as much as possible - for all of the above reasons - be prepared to build at least one outfit component yourself. You do not want to appear as some sort of tyrant who just tells people what to do, but does not invest his own time and money… besides - it’s fun… don’t let others have all of it.

So step two is to delegate work because you do not want to spend more than $20.00 and you want to make some new or stronger friends.

The next step, once the design has been decided on, and once the various parts of the outfit have been completed, is to do the actual decorating. There are a few considerations to keep in mind when planning a decorating. The first thing to consider is who you are going to take with you, and how many who’s you will be taking. I would say that the absolute minimum number of people that should attempt a decorating is two. I would also guess that two people is the most frequent number. The reason you want a minimum of two people is simple logistics, and safety. One person CAN climb a ladder alone, but if that person should fall off of that ladder, they might be lying alone, injured for several hours before anyone notices. A second person to run and call for help is a must. A second person to hold the base of a ladder, or to open doors for the person carrying the ladder, or just to help carry all of the tools and equipment needed for the decorating, to say nothing of cutting wire or helping with other various tasks your decorating may require is indispensable. So two people is the minimum number, but you don’t want to have too many people either. Everyone who comes to help should have a job… standing around watching, and drawing attention to the decorating is not a job, neither is talking and distracting the people who are supposed to be working. Just like at the movies - silence is golden. Besides, the last thing you want to do is draw attention to yourselves while you are in the process of decorating. It’s sort of like getting caught with your hand in the cookie jar. Not fun.

Who you take with you is usually a function of age, desire, availability, and number of early morning classes. You are going to want to invite the people who constructed some part of the outfit with you, it is only fair that if they do some of the work they get to have some of the fun. It can also be nice to involve some folks who did not help with the construction, as it makes them feel included. It should generally be assumed that if you helped with the construction of the outfit, that you are welcome to come and help with the installation. Not all who help with construction will want to come. That is OK too. If you run into a situation where someone who you feel should not come to the installation (for whatever reason - too young for example) wishes to, avoid telling them that they are unwelcome - just don’t tell them when you are going, it is passive aggressive, but very effective.

The next issue to deal with of course - is WHEN. When can be tricky. Obviously you want to do it at night, when you are least likely to be caught in the act. This means that you need to do it after all of the institutions buildings are closed for the night and all of the faculty / administrators / students can reasonably be expected to have gone home. Generally this is no earlier than about 11:00PM. Thus you may want to consider asking people who do not have early classes in the morning.

The day the decorations go up is also important. Generally I think the eve of the celebration is ideal, so that students and faculty walk on campus geared up for an event, and get a boost from the festive decorating you have done. Unfortunately, things like weekends and vacations interfere with the ideal, and so it is not always possible to put an outfit up on the eve of an event. In this case it is important that the decorations go up BEFORE the event, but also in time for students / faculty / staff to appreciate the decorations (That is after all the final purpose). So for example, this year Halloween will fall on a Sunday. The eve would be Saturday night, but if I put stuff up on Saturday night the vast majority of people will not see the decorating before the holiday - and seeing holiday decorations after the holiday just does not have the same effect. So, for this Halloween, I will put stuff up Wednesday night, so that Students will have the opportunity to be amused on Thursday during classes (This institution has few if any Friday classes). Decorations COULD be put up sooner - but don’t plan on leaving stuff up for too long - it gets passé. The possible exception would be Christmas decorations that must go up significantly before the holiday in order to be seen by most students, due to the Christmas vacation.

OK… So you have picked your accomplices, and you have picked your night… The question now is “What is the best way to go about putting these decorations up???”

The first thing you are going to need is a BIG ladder. Remember, Marty’s head is 200 inches above the ground - that is over 16 feet up. Your 8 foot step ladder will not do the job… I know it looks big in your house, but it will not cut it. What you need is an extention ladder. Most people don’t have one. On the good side, is that most institutions that own a Martin Luther statue DO own an extention ladder. Use theirs if at all possible. Seripticiously of course. You need to find some one who has a key to the maintenance area, and who will let you in so you can snag the ladder - don’t forget to put it back when you are done. You might consider putting this person on your decorating crew. REMEMBER - a ladder is dangerous if you do not know how to use it. If you do not know how to use it properly, do not use it. If you fall and break your thingy-that-was-previously-not-broken, you know that your seminary health insurance won’t cover you. You also know that I will not support you either. You are responsible for your own actions here - YOU need to make sure that YOU are safe.

So you get the ladder, for somewhere, and you know how to use it. You want to lean it up against the statue, I usually aim for leaning the top of the ladder against the top of Marty’s chest. You put it where you think is best. Two notes on this: 1) Most Martin Luther statues are lit from the front. Thus for the sake of stealth you will want to put your ladder on the back side of Marty. Unfortunately when you do this, you cannot see anything once you climb up the ladder, and the lights are in your eyes. You will have to climb Marty from the front and to-hell with being stealthy. 2) Every time I climb up Marty I think about my weight pushing on the ladder, leaning against Marty, pushing him over and finding myself laying on my stomach on top of a Martin Luther statue that is laying on it’s back. This is something of an irrational fear, but one I pass along to you. Don’t say I never gave you nothin’. Here is the thing, he is anchored solidly to the ground, otherwise he would topple over in a nasty storm. Remember how much trouble the allies had knocking over the Sadam Hussain statue a few years ago? Same gig. Marty is not going anywhere just because you lean against him… it would be a huge liability if he was. At the same time you can bet that if you do manage to knock him over, translating Hebrew for a year will be the least of your concerns. Lean at your own risk.

Let me also say at this point that climbing the statue is FUN. Putting up the decorations is FUN. Don’t hog all of the fun for yourself… Everyone who comes with you to help you decorate should be given the opportunity to climb Marty if they want. Some will be afraid of heights / knocking Marty over / falling. That is fine - but offer… it’s only polite… and you do want more help next time right?

OK… so you have arrived at the statue, with all the tools you will need, and with all of the decorations you plan on putting up. (Think about this ahead of time - visualize what you are going to do and make sure you bring what you will need to do it, think particularly about tools and contingencies. At the very least you will need a pair of pliers and a pair of wire cutters to cut and twist bailing wire with) Now the question becomes “What is the best way to get all of this stuff, up there, and in an orderly fashion?” This of course depends on what you are putting up, and how it attaches… for help with that you need to look elsewhere on this site - particularly in the construction area. As a general rule of thumb, it is a good idea to work from the top down, and from the inside out. For example, when decorating Marty as a Christmas tree, one begins with the first row of decorations at the top, around his neck, and then moves down to the second row around his waist, and then one returns to the top to put the star on top, and to wrap Marty up in lights - the lights go over the ornaments in order to keep them from blowing in the wind. By doing it this way you will keep from having to tuck things inside of other things, and you will use gravity to your benefit. It is a pain in the butt to lift lights up in order to wrap them around Marty - but if one starts at the top, it is easy to let them fall a bit at a time as one wraps him.

So step three is actually decorating Marty. It is a complicated process and different every time, depending on the outfit, and the people installing it, but you have some good pointers.

So Marty is decorated… your job is done right? Wrong. Just like a camp-site, your job is to leave it better than you found it. Your fun should not cause more work for other people - this includes people who are paid to clean up the institution in question. You should not expect the maintenance folks to take time out of their day to take down your prank… besides, if they do you will not get your stuff back, and you might be able to use some of the parts for your next outfit… so, not only is it your obligation, and your duty to remove all of your stuff from the statue, it is also in your best intrest. To say nothing of the fact that if you leave your stuff up for more than about a week or two the administration will hunt you down and make you translate Hebrew. So in order to stay out of hot water, be a good citizen and clean up your mess.

Taking stuff down is always eaiser, but less fun than putting it up. Bring the same people with you who helped you put it up… Go at night… use the ladder, bring the tools you need… basically all of the same things I told you about putting stuff up applies to taking it down.

Good luck soldier!