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You will not need to construct your statue, that will already be in place. You will however need to design and construct the various outfits and decorations that you will be putting ON your Martin Luther statue.

So now that you have your design idea - it is time to make it come to life. This can be a little bit difficult to do - for one thing - very few places have Marty sized clothing for sale - trust me - I have looked. You might find a 5XXX T-shirt on line at a big and tall men’s store, but you will pay $30.00 for it, and it is a plain white T-shirt. You will not find anyone who is willing to sell you a Marty sized hat - and so you will have to make it. You might try to use human sized bunny ears -that you purchased at the party supply store - but then you will end up with a Marty sized statue with absurdly small little ears on it, and people will laugh at you, not with you. The point is - you will need to hand make almost everything that goes on your Martin Luther statue.

A couple things to keep in mind when you are in the engineering phase:
1) you must have a way to hold the item in place on the statue. (That means wire)
2) The item MUST be weather resistant - sun - wind - rain.
3) You may not harm the statue in any way - or leave any marks on it, or use any adhesive, or worse yet PAINT on it. Once you remove your stuff - no one should be able to tell it was ever there. Unless you want to spend your senior year translating Hebrew, or worse, if such a thing is possible. No you don’t.

With these few rules in mind it is clear that there are a variety of construction methods, and tools that will work well. The following are the ones that have worked for me.

Copper tubing is your new best friend. Every outfit I have put on a Martin Luther Statue has involved copper tubing. It is great stuff. You can cut it easily, bend it easily, solder it easily, paint it easily, it is weather proof, tape will stick to it, wire will wrap around it or get passed through it to secure your item to the statue. It is great stuff. It makes an ideal frame work for bunny ears, angel wings, (cover the framework with white kitchen garbage bags and packing tape) it can be used as the framework of eye glasses, it can be built up as a framework for a hat (cardboard or some other substance goes over the top). Copper tubing is in a word - indispensable.

Solder is clearly essential (along with flux and a torch) as it allows you to hold two pieces of copper tubing together in various amusing arrangements. It also allows you to experiment with exciting new phrases like “Golly gee willikers that molten metal is hot” and “Fire burn!” You will quickly find when soldering that, while you were created in the image of God, and that God declared His creation to be good, God also created you with approximately 6 hands too few. Vishnu had the right idea, but that is a whole different issue.

Bailing wire is your second best friend. Maybe your first. Hard to say which, having to pick just one is like trying to pick a child to die. You will be using bailing wire to hold just about everything on the statue. For example: if you have things hanging down below the waist (like Christmas ornaments) you wrap a piece of bailing wire (a foundation wire) around the waist above the level of the book (So the wire catches on the arms / book and won’t fall down), and then add pieces of wire to this “foundation wire” that dangle down and hold whatever item you have in mind. The same thing goes for items above waist level, except the “foundation wire” is wrapped around Luther’s neck. Holding things to Luther’s head is a little more tricky, but the basic premise is to run a piece of wire under his chin, in much the same manner as a child’s birthday hat. The problem is that a little wind can blow most things off, and so additional wires are necessary. The ridge created by his hair can be quite useful in securing something from the wind - as can his nose. You will have to do your own rigging once you get up there, and see what works for you, and the item you are trying to secure. In any event, I do recommend picking Big Lou’s nose… there are just not that many people who can say they have done that.

Plastic bags of all sorts are quite handy. They can be used to cover things (wings / ears) and they can be used to stuff and fill things (that require stuffing and/or filling) as well… plastic grocery bags (the crinkly ones your cat likes to sit on) are particularly useful as stuffing.

Packing Tape can help you to build your decorations, but it cannot be used to attach them to the statue, as the adhesive may well leave a mark after removal. Besides - it might not stick to the statue - he IS pretty dirty and has quite a “patina” on him. An item made out of cardboard that is covered in packing tape becomes about 1000 times stronger, negligibly heaver, and most importantly - weather resistant. Where a soggy piece of decomposing cardboard will fall to the ground and be an eye sore, a stately decoration protected by the miracle of plastic and tape will remain in place despite the elements.

Dowels are basic pieces of construction material. Essential for any items that get placed on Marty’s head. They also make great items with which to poke out your eye, or the eye of one of your friends when involved in some non-Marty-decorating-hijinks, like shooting a BB gun, with a dowel. And as we all know, it is all fun and games until someone gets their eye poked out… then it is just fun and games you can’t see.

Sheets. Bed sheets in various sizes and colors. Most notably white. These are useful for all sorts of things - I have used two of them tied together to make a diaper, and I have knotted and balled one up to make a bunny tail (Suspended from a bailing wire foundation line of course).

Cardboard. Go dumpster diving - you will need BIG pieces. Refrigerator boxes work well - as do boxes from new soft furniture… that is a hint as to where one might procure such large boxes…

Electricity: Electricity is needed for things like Christmas lights - or anything else you have that might require power. The trick is … where do you get it from? You can’t just plug your cord into the back of Marty and expect his spiritual power to light your lights. It just won’t happen. What you need to do is run an extension cord from… the closest practical outlet, up to the statue. This could be, in some cases, several hundred feet. You will need to make sure that you use a cord that is rated for outdoor use, and it would be best if you could use just one extension cord - though linking more than one together MAY be acceptable and necessary in some situations. It is imperative that you not overload the cord. Some where on the cord will be printed the maximum current that the cord can safely carry, this is expressed in amps if you are lucky, and watts if you are unlucky. Make sure that EVERYTHING you plug in to the cord, when added together, will draw less current than the cord is capable of carrying, to do otherwise is to risk a fire… a fire you would be responsible for.

Running an extension cord also has at least two other dangers associated with it… first is that most of the outlets you will be able to use / want to use will be on the inside of buildings, and that means that you have to find a way to get an extension cord through a wall. A window will work well for this, as the window can be closed, around the cord, without too much kinking, or pinching, to the cord, and without to much heat loss to the outside at night. Windows are also great because they will not undergo constant opening and closing causing stress on the cord.

Running an extension cord through a door is NEVER acceptable, for two reasons: First a door is opened and closes SEVERAL times a day, especially doors to public places - like the one you are running your cord from. Every time the door is opened and closed it causes the cord to flex and kink, and to abrade the insulation. If the insulation is worn off, or if the copper wire on the inside of the cord breaks and shorts out - you are guaranteed to start a fire, a fire you would be responsible for. Secondly, doors tend to be slammed shut, especially those in public places - like the one you are running your cord from. If the door happens to slam shut on your cord, there is a good chance that the door will scissor your cord in half, causing a short, and likely a fire, a fire you would be responsible for. Do NOT run an extension cord through a door. If you run an extension cord through a window, do it with care, and try to make sure that the window can close most of the way - to prevent heat loss - and make sure that no one else will close the window and thus cut the cord.

BE CAREFUL WITH ELECTRICTY.

Another problem with extension cords is that they invariably have to cross over a sidewalk or a path where people walk. For those who have no problems getting around on two feet this only causes a minor hazard, as many people will notice a cord and step over it - though some may not see it and trip over it. For those who are using crutches or wheelchairs to get around, a cord in the path might pose a real difficulty. Additionally, should it snow at night, the people who come along with the snow blower in the morning might have a REAL surprise when they find your cord. A real unpleasant surprise for all involved. SO… where the cord crosses a sidewalk or other place where people regularly walk, make sure that you do everything in your power to keep the cord from twisting up so that it will not trip people… duck tape may work for this… other methods might work as well. It is also important that you put up stakes about 4’ high on either side of the sidewalk with a note that tells the snow removal guy (and others) that there is an extension cord there, should the cord get buried and obscured by snow or anything else. Further it would be a good idea to create an anonymous email account (from yahoo or wherever suits your fancy) and email the head grounds keeper or maintenance guy and let him know what you have done so that he can tell anyone who might be working in that area that there is an extension cord they have to look out for.

REMEMBER - your fun should NOT be at the expense of anyone else, and it certainly should not cause harm to anyone else. It is your responsibility to take the precautions necessary to make sure that no one is harmed - even inadvertently.

Lawn Ornaments. Just because it is much harder, and thus more spectacular, to put a hat, or ears, or horns, or a halo, or a star on Marty’s head, does not mean that you should not also place things around the base of Marty. Try to think of the whole picture, and don’t focus just on his head. An Easter-bunny outfit is really set off nicely by some large, outdoor-Marty sized plastic Easter eggs “hidden” in the bushes around the base, a big “basket” wouldn’t hurt either. In the summer there needs to be a through flamingoing. Then again, a through flamingoing looks good no matter what the season.

Signs. Signs are a part of the lawn ornament category, as they usually will be placed on the ground in front of the statue. The trick is in how to make the sign, and how to keep it standing up. No, you can’t just spray paint a piece of plywood and lean it up against that big piece of granite Marty stands upon. What kind of a hick are you? Seriously. If you want to do it right: Get a 4’X8’sheet of lightweight plywood, about 8’ of 1”X2”, 4 self-tapping drywall screws, about an inch and a half long (These are black screws with sharp points and a Phillips head on them). It will be cheaper if you buy the drywall screws by the box, and this will also prevent you from looking like a chump who buys nuts and bolts individually. Perhaps looking like a dork is not something you are concerned with. Not all of us are. Not all of us can help it either. So it is probably best if those who cannot help but look like dorks are not bothered by it. Some times that happens, but not very often. I once knew a guy who knew he was a dork, and was completely comfortable with it, and that is what made him so damn cool. Ironic isn’t it? Usually people either don’t know, or it drives them nuts and they try to hard not to be a dork, which only serves to make them bigger dorks. Sad really. You will also need some paint. Perhaps you already have some, or can scam some from the maintenance people… whatever you do don’t spend a lot of money, but DO get some colors that look good together, and most importantly, are easy to read. Anyway so all of this stuff is available at Menards. Trust me, I’m a dork.

OK… now… actually making the sign is the tricky part. You will need your friend who owns the tools, if you are not the guy who owns the tools. You may want to simply delegate this task if you are not the guy with the tools. Anyway. The first thing to do is to build the sign. Take the 1X2 and cut it into 4’+ lengths, and then cut points into one end, when you are done you should have something that looks like it would be ideal for killing a vampire with. The choice to actually use these stakes to kill a vampire is one only you can make, bear in mind however that killing someone who is not actually a vampire could create serious legal issues for you, and be also aware that many people, especially those in high school who are trying WAY too hard to be cool but who are, in truth, dorks, claim to be vampires but are not. Thus, should you choose to kill a vampire(s) with your stakes, you would need to be certain that the vampire you are killing is truly a vampire and not just a poser. An admission of guilt is insufficient, as the poser will frequently admit to being a vampire, and a real vampire will rarely do so. Also, there is currently legislation in Congress seeking legal protection for vampires as a legitimate minority group, so it is possible that even if you kill a vampire and not a poser, you could still be in trouble - and punishable under hate crime laws, it would be best to seek the advice of legal council before killing any vampire, provided of course, that the lawyer is neither a vampire nor poser himself. Do not seek the advice of a female lawyer, as it is well known that they are all vampires.

Now it is time to make the actual sign. There are several options for this. The first step is to paint the background color, generally this is a light color, but who knows what you have in mind? Paint one side of the plywood sheet - cover it completely. It might take more than one or two coats. If it takes more than one coat, have a beer between coats, but don’t have two. When you have enough coats of paint on let the paint dry completely, maybe overnight.

Once the background is completely dry, it is time to put the lettering on your sign. It is best if you use a color that is different from the base color… but who knows what you have in mind? You can paint the lettering on freehand… but unless you have experience and skill in doing this it will look like you did it, well, freehand. We are not selling peaches by the side of the road, and we are not insisting that shirt and shoes be worn at all times, we ARE decorating a Martin Luther statue, so lets try to be a little more professional about this shall we? The easiest way to make a professional-ish looking sign is to print (like with a computer?), or NEETLY draw, what you want on an overhead, and throw it on an overhead projector. (If you do not own an overhead projector, “borrow” one from the institution that owns the statue - just make sure you return it or you may well end up spending senior year translating Hebrew) Then stand your sign up against a wall in a dark room, and move your projector into a position where you can see the image clearly on your sign, and the size is about right, and you are happy. (Note: excessive jiggering with the overhead projector will not lead to increased levels of happiness). Once everything looks right, take a pencil and trace the shapes of the letters on the sign. Once all of the letters, and designs, and the what-have-you have been traced, turn off the projector (and return it to it’s owner) and take your sign outside, and lay it flat. You have to do this outside because you probably don’t have space to do it inside, especially if you live in Blair house. It is important that the sign is laying flat. Now, get out your paint and fill in the lines you made while tracing. You remember how to color within the lines right? No it is not cool and post-modern to “do your own thing” and color outside the lines. No I am not oppressing you, this IS your design, this IS your “own thing.” Do it right. Let your sign dry. This might require the application of beer (To you, not the sign). This completes the construction of the sign.

Once your sign is completed, and the rest of your decorations are completed, and it is night time, and it is the day and time appointed for the decorating, then it is time for the decorating – Steve 7:34 (NRSV). With the rest of your decorations and gear, you will need to bring the sign, the stakes, the biggest hammer you can find, and a cordless screw gun/drill. Once the rest of your decorating is finished, you will need to sink the stakes into the ground. Do this so that the wide side of the stakes are aligned with each other, and face the direction you want your sign to face, they should be about 4-5 feet apart. In order to get the stakes into the ground, you should orient them so that the points are facing down, and you should whack the top with the big hammer. If you have a hammer that is big enough this will go quickly and be painless. If your hammer is too small it will take a long time and hurt a lot. Choose your hammer wisely. Do not allow the stakes to split. Once the stakes are in the ground 8” to a foot or so… deep enough that they are sturdy and not going anyplace… you should place your sign, in front of, and against them. Once your sign is in place and you like the way it looks, pull out your screws and your screw gun and drive the screws through the sign and into the stakes. It is best if you locate the screws in a letter or someplace else where they will be less visible. Black heads against a white backdrop are not going to just disappear.